Writing demands–Hello Universe are you listening?
by Shannon on Monday, 19 of February, 2007 at 7:58 am
Every morning I try to drag my carcass out of bed at around 5:30am so I can have a solid hour of writing before it’s time for the kids to get up for school. Try is, of course, the operative word here. The last few weeks I can’t say I’ve been all that successful at either getting up or getting any writing done.
I’ve come to a few conclusions about what I need to be productive during writing time, just a few small demands it wouldn’t kill the universe to grant me.
First off I need to be left utterly and completaly alone with no distractions by either my beautiful children or my wonderful husband, or for that matter no TV, no phones, no Internet, no e-mail, no Jehovia’s Witnesses trying to save me from utter damnation (too late), no music, no background ambient noise…basically I need to write in a vacuum. Well a vacuum with plenty of oxygen and a comfortable chair.
Secondly, I need a muse. Plenty of artists have had muses, so why don’t I get one. I’m not talking about a muse in that way poets, or certain other writers talk about them. Muse to me is not some Greek goddess handing over delicate, baby’s breath like ideas, or whispering in your ear the exact motivation you needed to get your character from point A to point B. Oh no, that particular kind of inspiration is not the soft, loving inspiration most seem to imagine her as, in fact the word muse doesn’t even fit her. She’s a bitch, pure and simple. Perhaps even another word most women can’t stand to be called but works quite appropriately here. Muse is more like Lady Luck, flighty, never there when you need her, temperamental, and apparently angry at me. Whatever I did I’m sorry, just please stop ringing my door bell then running away before I get the chance to answer it.
Besides, I’m not talking about some metaphysical muse, I want a real, human source of inspiration. Throughout history men have gotten more then their fair share of muses, women who filled their creative sails, supported their sometimes fragile egos. Is it totally unfair of me to ask the powers that be for my own? A muse to rub my back after a long day slouched over the keyboard, or who will read me poetry under a tree while I sip wine and keep my feet in his lap. Oh, better then all that, a muse who will wash the dishes, do the laundry and scrub a bathroom while I work. Yeah, now there’s a fantasy.
And while we’re on the topic of inspiration, perhaps someone could tell me the proper prayer to get a chorus of angels to sing in Latin as I prepare for my writing day. Really, I don’t even need a chorus, I could make do with five, but no less then three.
Well, I suppose the only other things I need are simple after a request like that. Chocolate and coffee. The good stuff, not that cheap crap certain family members get me for Christmas every year (you know who you are). And make that a bottomless cup of coffee that automatically switches to decaf after six o’clock. Oh, and an unending bar of chocolate, maybe one that will magically supply toffee or carmel filling as I desire it. Hmm…where’s Willy Wonka when you need him?
See, these are really very simple requests of the universe. So if anyone knows the proper paperwork I need to fill out to obtain these necessities, I’d surely appreciate it if they could send it my way. Or, if the universe is reading this, could we just skip the middle man and you deliver the requested items by my writing session tomorrow. I’d appreciate it.
Category: Books, core dump, Writing
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