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It’s that time of year again. Time for the starlets, divas, and metrosexuals to hit the red carpet. And I for one will be avoiding it like a Vin Diesel movie. The Oscars.

There’s a number of reasons why I hate award shows, and the Oscars are truly the least offensive of all of them, but it’s still just as trite and pointless as any other awards show. Award shows are a place for shallow people to break their arms patting themselves, and each other, on the back. It’s a place for people to show of clothes and jewels that rival the gross national product of most third world countries…combined. And people wonder why the rest of the world hates us? Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys, SAG, Spirit Awards, Critics Awards, Tony, People’s Choice…you name it there’s an award program for it. With the Oscars being the pinnacle of all of this, the so called prom of Hollywood.

And it’s not just the shallowness of the whole proceedings, it’s the fact that watching one of these things is the most boring thing on the planet. I’m saying watching paint dry, grass grow, and snow melt is more exciting. I can think of several things I’d rather do and having a philosophical discussion with Jessica Simpson is one if them. So, I’ve come up with a few ideas to make the Oscars a bit more exciting.

• Let’s put some new energy into that long drawn out red carpet crap. Instead of walking down the red carpet a Slip and Slide should be installed, and instead of water I’m thinking mud. With a huge mud pit at the end to catch all those little divas in their Versace gowns.
• If there is some kind of stand off in certain categories like best picture, or actor in a leading role we can always return to the mud pit to hammer it out. Winner takes home the Oscar, loser gets half off the his dry cleaning bill.
• If the Slip and Slide idea doesn’t work to rev up the red carpet how about light saber battles. Picture it; Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep going at each other while in their ball gowns. My money is on Streep, I bet she fights dirty.
• Or we could do away with the red carpet all together and just force everyone to wear the same thing; unflattering Star Trek uniforms. I’m not talking about that I’m-a-counselor-so-I-can-wear-a-low-cut-dress-on-the-bridge Troi uniform either. I mean that hideous, spandex things everyone else had to wear. How ironic is it that in the future spandex is the most popular fabric?
• Now as for the award presentation itself; I’m thinking we should spice it up by releasing pooh throwing monkeys into the audience. Of course animal rights activists might have issues with this, but that’s okay cause I plan on suspending anyone who bitches over a tank filled with mutant sea bass.
• And just because I don’t want to offend all the actors and actresses, let’s make it fun for them too by having lackeys follow them around with full length mirrors. Lackeys who, of course, tell them how awesome they are and make caddy, biting comments about the other actors and actresses at the event.

There you go. This in my opinion will go a long way towards making the Oscars a bit more exciting. Maybe I’ll even watch it if they do these things. But I doubt.

Ah, the age old debate over Mac’s and PC’s continue. Being a complete computer illiterate, I just use whatever someone puts in front of me. Which up until now has been a PC. Yeah, I have issues with it, and sure that Mac is looking sleeker, and sexier, and more tailored to my needs. But I’m one of those people who stick with something till I know it’s dead. Relationships, cars, television programs, I just hate change. Beating a dead horse is my past time (and before you PETA freaks send me hate mail, that’s a joke).

Still, the debate has got me wondering…what do the people of the future use, Mac or PC?

The Enterprise D, I believe uses the Trek equivalent of a PC, and here’s why…

Those stupid Bynars have got to be some kind of virus right? Or maybe spy ware. And we all know a Mac isn’t susceptible to that. But it’s not just the Bynars that make me think the Enterprise D is running on a PC. Let’s think about how many times their computer has gone down, been overrun by alien technology, taken over by nanties, or the holodeck has malfunctioned. By my count this happened at least two times a season. Sounds like a PC to me.

Battlestar Galactica…well this one is a bit harder. It seems to me that the original series BSG would be like the original Apples, you remember that flashing green cursor, right? But really, because of the computer phobia the Cylon wars produced the reimagined Galactica doesn’t seem that much more technically advanced. Now the Cylons, they’re running some super freaky, gooey gel Mac stuff. Not sure if I want any part of a computer that requires me to stick my hand in something that looks like snot. Even if it can resurrect me.

Not being a Mac user I’m not sure what kind of gripes you guys have about your computers (if any). But, given that most sci-fi series that run longer then a season seem to rely on at least one episode where their computers crash and burn I’d say most sci-fi television shows are using PC’s. So, I guess that kills that debate. At least it kills my interest in it. I think I see something shiny on the other side of the room. Gotta go.

Oh, by the way, my PC crashed while trying to write this. Oh the irony!

If you are anything like me, chances are you’ve spent countless hours pondering your true inner self in relation to the iconic figures of sci-fi and fantasy. Who hasn’t wasted away an afternoon wondering if they could have been Aragorn, Dr. Who, or Spock? Or in the case of us women; the damsel in distress, the Amazon-like warrior, or the earth mother that all women come packaged in when it comes to classic genre fiction.

Well, ponder no more my friends. Thanks to the internet, we can now take multiple quizzes to determine just where we would fit in the grand scheme of speculative fiction. (Read more…)

I once heard someone describe the music of Yanni as the “sound track to life.” Now, I’m sure there are people out there who agree with this, and all I can say to that is, “Blah! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sure Yanni’s okay, I guess, but the soundtrack to your life? Give me a break! You’re letting a man who has had some questionable taste in facial hair and obviously taken way too many Zanies set the tone and mood of your life. Are you people sleeping all day or sitting in yuppie coffee shops discussing the finer points of existential art?

No, dear reader, Yanni is not for me. But this comment about the questionable appeal of Yanni did get me thinking about what music and sounds I would want accompanying my day-to-day routine. I’m not just talking music here, I’m talking the quintessential bleeps, whooshes, and other overly-synthesized sounds that can only be found in science fiction. (Read more…)