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There is a distinct chill in the air that can only mean one thing; summer is coming to an end. Along with no longer seeing people walk around in shorts wearing knee socks and sandals, comes the end of the block buster summer movies.

What can we say about this past movie going season? Hmmm…it sucked. Okay, maybe suck is a little strong, perhaps it would be better to say it was overly ambitious. It seemed every movie I saw, especially those in the sci-fi fantasy arena, didn’t know what they were and how to stick to that. Didn’t know what their main story points were, or there themes. In short, they suffered from forgetting some of the most important rules of story telling. Let’s just take one movie here as an example. Stardust.

Everyone knows I was looking forward to seeing this movie, everyone knows I love Neil Gaiman (whose book this movie was based on). While the movie did have enjoyable moments, as a whole it fell a little short. There were differences between the book and the movie, the most major one being the end. But more then just plot devices, the movie was trying too hard to be epic, to be…well bigger then what it really was.

At it’s core Stardust is a coming of age tale, a love story, a very simple and sweet fairy tale. It is (at least in tone) very much like The Princess Bride. Light hearted, fun, simple and sweet. It’s the kind of story someone might tell around a campfire, and the movie totally lost that appeal. There were moments of sweetness, moments of lightness, and moments when the movie almost hit the target, and then the producers, writers, and directors seemed to remember that any good fantasy needs sword play, lots of it, and an epic ending battle, and of course an ending where everything is just super duper okay. In the end of the movie, kings were made and immortality was found, not really at all like the book. So, in the end, it seems Hollywood is incapable of the light sweet fairy tale, of a simple but no less heartfelt, story.

Similar afflictions affected the rest of the summer movies. None of them really knew where they wanted to go or how to go there. Too many plot threads not fully developed, too many characters introduced and then ignored, too many endings that tried to tie themselves neatly into happy little bundles at the end. Oh well, I suppose there is always next summer. Or maybe I’ll just stick to the books from now on and ignore the movies. Yeah right, that’s never going to happen.

I just got a chance last week to watch Pan’s Labyrinth on DVD. for those of you who haven’t heard about it (where have you been) it’s a movie from the director Guillermo del Toro the guy who directed Blade II and Hellboy (don’t let those movies deter you, this one is good, not that that the other two aren’t they just aren’t on the same level).

To put it simply, this movie is excellent. It does all the things a good fantasy should do in my opinion. Makes you question reality. Is set against a backdrop that reinforces the fantasy aspects and makes reality just that much harsher, and is in some ways a metaphor for what is happening in that “reality”. The setting is Spain post WW II and is rife with the political tensions of the time. Fascists are taking hold in Spain, and though there are a few groups of rebels trying to fight, the fight seems hopeless. When the movie opens, the main character Ofelia and her mother Carmen are on their way to a remote and old mill that Ofelia’s new step father–Captain Vidal–has converted into a military outpost to scrub the back country of the last of the rebels. Carmen is very pregnant, and weak, and it is obvious that Captain Vidal wants little to do with Ofelia. In fact, his very demeanor is cold and calculating. They did a great job with character development with all the characters, but Vidal’s very presence is foreboding, and the details in his character make him more so.

Ofelia is a dreamy girl, who lives in her own fantasy world and carries with her books of fairy tales and magic. Despite her mother telling her it is time to give them up, she holds on to them as her lifeline. Once at the old mill, Ofelia finds the entrance to a labyrinth and is drawn to it. But one of the locals–a woman named Mercedes who is a serving woman for the Captain–warns Ofelia it is dangerous and befriends the young girl. From there the darkness of not only the labyrinth but the mill and the people in it begin to ooze out into the open.

Ofelia finds eventually in the center of the labyrinth a faun or pan. traditionally these are tricksters in myth, and don’t usually bring good things to those who see them. But Ofelia is entranced by the faun and the story he has to tell her, and agrees to take on three tasks to prove she is worthy.

Despite the fact that Ofelia is a young girl, this is not some touchy feely,fairy tale. There are moments of violence in this movie so quick and brutal they are lodged in my mind. And from that first act of violence, committed by the Captain against a local old man and his son, the shadows begin to lengthen in the movie. Ofelia falls deeper into the secrets of the labyrinth, Mercedes tries to keep her own secrets from the Captain, and Carmen becomes weaker and weaker as her time to give birth nears.

The tension between the story lines builds and eventually hits a head on collision. Ofelia’s fantasy world, and brutal “reality” intersect, and the results are not pretty.

Still it’s hard to say if the movie ends badly or not. I suppose it depends a lot on how you look at the world. At where you draw the lines between the real world and the world in your head. That is in essence the theme of this story. The derailing of reality, and the subtle hidden world that lies beneath. Not just the fauns and fairies that are hiding, but secrets, loss, fear, and oppression. The things we hide from ourselves and others. All of us carry our own myth, our own fantasy world in our heads, but it is a fantasy of who we are and why we do the things we do. A fantasy of what it is to be human, and what the difference is between good and evil.

I cannot recommend this movie highly enough. It’s one of the rare movies that you can watch time and again and take something from it every time.

Happy viewing.

The other day I picked up the newest Entertainment Weekly Normally I don’t read this magazine. I like the Stephen King essay in the back and some of the book reviews, but sometimes it’s so shallow I couldn’t get my big toe wet in the puddle that is their gene pool, but they got me with a Spiderman III picture. And the promise of the scoop on 115 summer movies.

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year again, a geeks favorite time of year. Not only because we can break out our sandals and white sock ensemble for another year, but the movies, oh the glorious, action packed, butt-kicking, web-slinging movies.

So, here’s the ones I’m looking forward to the most. In no particular order, as my brain doesn’t work that way.

• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Okay, I have a few issues with the books, and the last two movies were lacking in the story line a bit, but visually these movies are always stunning, and watching these kids grow up is so cute I might slip into a diabetic coma. Out: July 13th
• Spiderman III: What’s not to love? Three bad guys, a black spidey suit, possibly another woman, and Tobey Maguire going all dark and angsty. I love dark and angsty. Out: May 4th
• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Johnny Depp channeling his inner Keith Richards (who will play Captain Teague) complete with more eyeliner then a Vegas brothel, I am so there. I have to admit, I’ve been a Depp fan for years, nappy dreads or not. And While Mister Bloom grates on my nerves (it’s not his fault, it’s the whole Elf thing) I still can’t wait for this one. Out: May 25th
• The Simpsons Movie. They’re yellow, they poke fun at religion, society, Hollywood, and TV. They’re animated deviants after my own heart. Out: July 27th
• I Know Who Killed Me. I have no idea what this movie is really about. But the title coupled with the fact that it’s starring Lindsey Lohan, well that does it all for me. If Lohan dies the gruesome horrible death promised that’s worth the price of admission for me. Out: July 27th
• 1408 This one, based on a short Stephen King story, looks promising. If a bit experimental. It’s about a hotel room that becomes the occupants own personal hell. Mine would include Paula Abdul, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Elves, and certain relatives that will remain nameless (you know who you are and I want my CDs back).
• Stardust: Anyone who knows me knows I’m a Gaimen fan, hell anyone who’s given this blog more then a cursory glance can see that. I’d sell my soul for an hour to pick his brain, too bad I all ready sold it for chocolate and a good cup of coffee. Oh well, my mom always told me I should have higher standards and I never believed her. At any rate, this movie has been compared to another of my favorites; The Princess Bride, but with an edge. I know the book and graphic novel are awesome as I’ve read both and they do indeed have a lot in common with the Princess Bride . And from what I’ve seen in the trailers, it looks like they’ve added quite a bit to the story line while staying as true to the book as possible. And with stars like De Niro, Clarie Danes, and Michelle Pfeiffer I’m hoping this is everything the book was and more.
• Shrek III: I just have to see this out of some perverse sense of loyalty. And cause I’m hoping Justin Timberlake dies. Sorry Jusitn, you’re not as annoying as Lindsay Lohan I’ll give you that, but that’s all I’m giving you.

Okay, those cover all the bigger movies I’m really dying to see. There are a few that I know I’m going to end up watching eventually but that I won’t be sure of until after I see them. Transformers would fall into this category, to be honest I laughed out loud when a friend told me how excited he was they were making this movie. It just sounded preposterous. It still kind of does, but after looking at the trailers I realized I’d have to see it for myself. There is also The Bourne Ultimatum, The Invasion, Evan Almighty, Pathfinder, and Disturbia on my list of maybes. As in maybe I’ll watch it, maybe I’ll avoid it.

Oh and on a side note. I know Tony is really looking forward to the movie Sunshine. He’s all revved up to see the great special effects, and solid scientific principles. Here’s the proof.

It’s that time of year again. Time for the starlets, divas, and metrosexuals to hit the red carpet. And I for one will be avoiding it like a Vin Diesel movie. The Oscars.

There’s a number of reasons why I hate award shows, and the Oscars are truly the least offensive of all of them, but it’s still just as trite and pointless as any other awards show. Award shows are a place for shallow people to break their arms patting themselves, and each other, on the back. It’s a place for people to show of clothes and jewels that rival the gross national product of most third world countries…combined. And people wonder why the rest of the world hates us? Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys, SAG, Spirit Awards, Critics Awards, Tony, People’s Choice…you name it there’s an award program for it. With the Oscars being the pinnacle of all of this, the so called prom of Hollywood.

And it’s not just the shallowness of the whole proceedings, it’s the fact that watching one of these things is the most boring thing on the planet. I’m saying watching paint dry, grass grow, and snow melt is more exciting. I can think of several things I’d rather do and having a philosophical discussion with Jessica Simpson is one if them. So, I’ve come up with a few ideas to make the Oscars a bit more exciting.

• Let’s put some new energy into that long drawn out red carpet crap. Instead of walking down the red carpet a Slip and Slide should be installed, and instead of water I’m thinking mud. With a huge mud pit at the end to catch all those little divas in their Versace gowns.
• If there is some kind of stand off in certain categories like best picture, or actor in a leading role we can always return to the mud pit to hammer it out. Winner takes home the Oscar, loser gets half off the his dry cleaning bill.
• If the Slip and Slide idea doesn’t work to rev up the red carpet how about light saber battles. Picture it; Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep going at each other while in their ball gowns. My money is on Streep, I bet she fights dirty.
• Or we could do away with the red carpet all together and just force everyone to wear the same thing; unflattering Star Trek uniforms. I’m not talking about that I’m-a-counselor-so-I-can-wear-a-low-cut-dress-on-the-bridge Troi uniform either. I mean that hideous, spandex things everyone else had to wear. How ironic is it that in the future spandex is the most popular fabric?
• Now as for the award presentation itself; I’m thinking we should spice it up by releasing pooh throwing monkeys into the audience. Of course animal rights activists might have issues with this, but that’s okay cause I plan on suspending anyone who bitches over a tank filled with mutant sea bass.
• And just because I don’t want to offend all the actors and actresses, let’s make it fun for them too by having lackeys follow them around with full length mirrors. Lackeys who, of course, tell them how awesome they are and make caddy, biting comments about the other actors and actresses at the event.

There you go. This in my opinion will go a long way towards making the Oscars a bit more exciting. Maybe I’ll even watch it if they do these things. But I doubt.

If I was to give an award for the most annoying fantasy creature elves would win hands down. I know, you’re aghast, but I have my reasons. Firstly, The Lord of The Rings. Maybe it was just Orlando Bloom as Legolas, but that was when I first noticed my estimation of elves had dropped considerably from when I was a child.

For some reason the sight of Orlando Bloom sliding down the trunk of that giant elephant (a mumakil if I recall correctly, and god how pathetic is it that I know that) shooting arrows the whole way just made me roll my eyes. It’s never a good sign when I roll my eyes. Of course this wasn’t the only moment in the trilogy that I’d rolled my eyes at the way elves are presented, and this isn’t the only movie or book that brought on such feelings toward the pointy eared little know-it-alls.

I mean what’s not to dislike. They’re smarter, stronger, faster, live longer, and are more beautiful then mere humans. They can move through a forest undetected and drop down from trees surprising any other life form that has dared enter their domain. They’re wise, that in and of itself isn’t bad I like wise, but they’re smug about it and I hate smug. And my biggest beef of all; they think they stand on some kind of moral high ground that we mere mortals could not possibly hope to obtain. I despise the moral high ground, unless of course I am firmly planted on it. Then I lord the moral high ground over everyone. In all honesty though, this happens very rarely. To quote Trent Reznor; “My moral standing is lying down”. And yes, I’ve been waiting since the early nineties to get that quote in somewhere.

I know many writers have taken the elves outside of cliché, or sometimes they’ve feed into that cliché with interesting results. Such as Jacqueline Carey’s Banewrecker and Godslayer books, which is a retelling of Tolkien’s famous series but told from the perspective of the “bad guys”. She plays quite well off the old elf clichés weaving them into her world building, which–despite what some people have said–I found an interesting take on Tolkien’s world.

I guess part of me just wants to see that illusion of perfection broken. You know, I want to see an acne prone teenage elf, or an ugly elf, or an elf that has a terrible sense of direction and has no idea where to find sacred objects or lost knowledge. A clueless elf, that’d be a refreshing change.

So, the other day I was bored. Anyone who knows me knows this is a bad state for me to be in, ’cause usually my mind starts wandering and bizarre images pop into my head. Impulses I can’t explain and won’t go into here make my fingers twitch. I generally try to avoid boredom as much as possible. Idle hands are the devil’s playground, as they say.

To keep myself occupied, though not occupied in any pursuit that would better humankind, I started surfing the net to find out what was going on in the world. By the “world” I mean that small corner of it that interests me, like all good Americans that would be 1) America 2) pop culture 3) celebrity gossip. Though not necessarily in that order. In my running willy-nilly across the web, just looking for something to fill the silence, I stumbled across this article from Slate Magazine written by Adam Rogers.

After first reading the article I was a little miffed. After all, the guy uses the word “geek” something like three times, and not in friendly terms mind you. He wields the word like a sword, “I dub thee GEEK”. His opening paragraph alone was enough to annoy me, never mind the rest of the article. Okay, I will admit it’s not a bad article per se. The subject matter itself is interesting. I just don’t appreciate the tone he uses to talk about sci-fi fans, or the genre in general.

“Ronald D. Moore, the executive producer of Battlestar Galactica, has created a great show with a goofy title. The title isn’t his fault, of course—he’s remaking a crappy 1970s sci-fi relic—and, in any case, it lured in an audience of geeks who will watch anything with the word star in the title. A few months ago, Moore told me (and, more recently, Entertainment Weekly’s Jeff Jensen) that the geeky title means a swath of Battlestar’s potential audience doesn’t tune in.” (Read more…)

If you are anything like me, chances are you’ve spent countless hours pondering your true inner self in relation to the iconic figures of sci-fi and fantasy. Who hasn’t wasted away an afternoon wondering if they could have been Aragorn, Dr. Who, or Spock? Or in the case of us women; the damsel in distress, the Amazon-like warrior, or the earth mother that all women come packaged in when it comes to classic genre fiction.

Well, ponder no more my friends. Thanks to the internet, we can now take multiple quizzes to determine just where we would fit in the grand scheme of speculative fiction. (Read more…)

I once heard someone describe the music of Yanni as the “sound track to life.” Now, I’m sure there are people out there who agree with this, and all I can say to that is, “Blah! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sure Yanni’s okay, I guess, but the soundtrack to your life? Give me a break! You’re letting a man who has had some questionable taste in facial hair and obviously taken way too many Zanies set the tone and mood of your life. Are you people sleeping all day or sitting in yuppie coffee shops discussing the finer points of existential art?

No, dear reader, Yanni is not for me. But this comment about the questionable appeal of Yanni did get me thinking about what music and sounds I would want accompanying my day-to-day routine. I’m not just talking music here, I’m talking the quintessential bleeps, whooshes, and other overly-synthesized sounds that can only be found in science fiction. (Read more…)